保持良好人际关系的7个C

——保持镇定。尽量不要对困难情况反应过度。通过保持镇定，你的观点更有可能被他人所考虑。

今天工作时无意中浏览到得克萨斯大学奥斯汀分校（UT-Austin）咨询和心理健康中心（Counseling and Mental Health Center）的官方页面。其中有一篇关于如何在大学中保持健康人际关系的文章，我看了之后觉得很有用。感觉这样的建议不仅仅是能够帮助在校学生，也可以为我们普通人在处理日常关系时提供一些方法和指导。现在把内容翻译在下面，供大家参考。

The 7 C’s of Healthy Relationships

健康人际关系的7个C

Conflict resolution – The ability to find a peaceful solution to a disagreement. Conflict resolution does not mean one person always gets their way – no one should feel pressured to compromise their values or boundaries. Conflict resolution also does not mean that conflicts are “bottled up” or not addressed.

冲突解决：能够和平解决分歧的能力。解决冲突并不意味着一个人总是能如愿以偿。任何人都不应该因为感到压力而妥协自己的价值观或界限。解决冲突也不意味着人们对冲突避而不谈或者不去处理。

Checking In – Paying attention to each other’s needs and taking each other into account when making decisions that affect both of you. This also includes checking in with yourself and whether you are feeling safe and comfortable in your relationship.

保持跟进：关注互相的需求，当要做影响双方的决定时，要把彼此都考虑进去。这也包括关注自己的状态，了解自己在关系中是否感到安全和舒适。

Consent – An enthusiastic, mutual agreement that can be revoked at any time for any reason and is necessary in all sexual interactions.

允许：一种热情的，共同的协定，可以出于任何原因被随时取消，并且在所有亲密关系中都是必须的。

Courage – Choosing to address difficult topics and hear feedback and being open and honest about your feelings and needs. Courage can also include being an ally for partners and friends who are experiencing bias incidents or other incidents of harm. Practicing courage does not mean putting yourself in situations where you feel unsafe or might experience harm.

勇气：选择解决棘手的话题并听取反馈，对自己的感受和需求保持坦诚。勇气还包括成为正在遭受偏见或其它伤害事件的伙伴和朋友的支持者。实践勇气并不意味着使自己陷入不安全或可能遭受伤害的境地。

Compassion – Thoughtfulness and sensitivity toward others and a desire to reduce distress and provide support. Practicing compassion does not require fixing others’ problems or always agreeing with others.

同情心：对他人的体谅和关照，以及减少其痛苦和提供支持的意愿。实践同情心不需要去解决别人的问题或总是去同意别人。

Celebration – Appreciation for each other and your relationship. Celebration includes excitement about each other’s hopes, dreams, and accomplishments and appreciation of each person’s uniqueness.

庆祝：对彼此和你的这段关系的感谢。庆祝包括对彼此的愿望，梦想和成就的兴奋和对每个人的独特性的欣赏。

Communication – Expressing needs, wants, and feelings and listening for the purpose of understanding.

沟通：表达需求，愿望，和情绪，并抱着理解的目的去倾听。

另外，在第一个C—Conflict resolution，冲突解决方面，咨询和心理健康中心提出了公平竞争的基本原则（ground rules for fair fighting）：

Remain calm. Try not to overreact to difficult situations. By remaining calm it is more likely that others will consider your viewpoint. 保持镇定。尽量不要对困难情况反应过度。通过保持镇定，你的观点更有可能被他人所考虑。

Express feelings in words, not actions. If you start to feel so angry or upset that you feel you may lose control, take a “time out” and do something to help yourself feel calm: take a walk, do some deep breathing, play with the dog, write in your journal- whatever works for you. 用言语表达感情，而不是动作。如果你开始感到愤怒或沮丧，以至于可能失去控制，请“暂停”并做一些以使自己镇定的事情：散步，深呼吸，遛狗，写日志—任何适合你的方法。

Be specific about what is bothering you. Vague complaints are hard to work on. 具体说明困扰你的事情。模糊的抱怨很难解决。

Deal with only one issue at a time. Don’t introduce other topics until each is fully discussed. This avoids the “kitchen sink” effect where people throw in all their complaints while not allowing anything to be resolved. 一次只处理一个问题。在每个主题都得到充分讨论之前，不要引入其它主题。这样能够避免“厨房下沉”效应，即人们在不解决任何问题的情况下抛出所有抱怨。

No hitting below the belt. Attacking areas of personal sensitivity creates an atmosphere of distrust, anger, and vulnerability. 不要出口伤人，说一些跟话题没有关系的陈年老帐或者别人的痛处。攻击个人的敏感区域会造成不信任，愤怒，和容易受伤的气氛。（Hit below the belt这个习惯用语起源于拳击。十八世纪英国拳击比赛的规则里说得很明白，拳击手只能攻击对方的上体和头部，因此，hit below the belt是违规的，后来逐渐被大家用来形容不公正的、卑劣的行为。）

Avoid accusations. Accusations will lead others to focus on defending themselves rather than on understanding you. Instead, talk about how someone’s actions made you feel. 避免指责。指责会使得他人专注于捍卫自己，而没有精力去了解你。相反，请谈论对方的行为带给你的感受。

Try not to generalize. Avoid words like “never” or “always.” Such generalizations are usually inaccurate and will heighten tensions. 试着不要一概而论。避免使用“从不”或“总是“之类的词。这个概括通常是不准确的，而且会加剧紧张局势。

Avoid make believe. Exaggerating or inventing a complaint – or your feelings about it – will prevent the real issues from surfacing. Stick with the facts and your honest feelings. 避免假想。夸大或制造抱怨—或你对此的感受，会阻止真正的问题浮出水面。坚持事实和你最诚实的感觉。

Don’t stockpile. Storing up lots of grievances and hurt feelings over time is counterproductive. It’s almost impossible to deal with numerous old problems for which recollections may differ. Try to deal with problems as they arise. 不要积攒（负面情绪）。随着时间的流逝，积蓄许多不满和伤痛是适得其反的。处理一些过去的问题，回忆可能会有所不同。尝试去处理出现的问题。